My heart is full. I am grateful.

I was just reflecting on the last year, well, the last eleven and a half months. It’s been a year of decisions, choices and trust. It’s been about committing fully to who I am. It’s been about setting boundaries about what is and is not acceptable to me. It’s been about defining my life and redefining myself. 

The last year has been about becoming comfortable in my own skin and able to speak up for the things in which I believe. 

It has been a year of expansion, trusting and allowing. It’s been about trusting that the universe will light the way when I don’t know what the next steps are. It’s about allowing situations to play out the way they’re supposed to, without resistance. That’s hard, and I’m still working on it. Sometimes we swim against our own tides. We feel that we should be more than we are. We forget we are enough now. We forget we are perfect as we are. 

I remember. 

I have realized and learned that what we feel and express is our choice. I’ve watched someone I love dearly fight valiantly against a terminal illness. Sadly, it has taken that challenge to show me what is really important. At any moment, your time could be up. I don’t want to leave this earth digging my nails in and wishing I would have done more, or wishing I had been true to myself and my purpose. I am true to myself every day. 

People are embracing me. The psychic closet transition hasn’t been as scary as I thought. The reading spots are booked consistently and I’m able to do what I love. I can offer people an alternative belief system and I can be of service to humanity, not to achieve fame or notoriety, but to offer help and hope to people who need it most. I can provide comfort, closure and clarity and live in line with my own life purpose at the same time. What a gift! 

I’ve met new people, I’ve learned new things constantly. I’ve opened my mind. I’ve done my first psychic fair, I’ve run my first half marathon. I’m working four jobs which are all different, bringing variety, “busyness” and opportunities. 

2016 has been good to me. My heart is full and I am grateful. 

Thoughts on the Terry Fox Run

Today, I ran in my local Terry Fox Run. Before the run, there were a few speakers. One was particularly moving. She talked about coming home from school one day when she was 14 and her mother telling her that she had cancer (the 14 year old girl, not the mom). She had the same cancer as Terry Fox, eventually also having to have her leg amputated. She is in remission now for a number of years (insert thunderous applause here). Her message to all of us standing there in the sun, bouncing in anticipation to start the run, was to take nothing for granted and to cherish every moment, because in a moment your life can change. 

In May of 2014, my stepdad, who is more of a dad to me than my bio dad was diagnosed with stage IV esophageal cancer. He’d just turned 51 in January and was always healthy and vital. 

He’d been having trouble swallowing and was waiting to see a specialist on floating stomach (which is what they thought the problem was for about a year). I don’t remember what I was doing on the last “normal” day we experienced. Ian was 10 months old and I was getting ready to return to work. I do remember my mom calling and telling me she needed to come over and talk to me. 

I think in the 8 years I have lived in this house, she has come over about 12 times, so I knew it was serious and all she would say was that it had to do with Norm. She came over, asked for a cup of tea and told me that Norm has cancer. There may as well have been periods between those words. Norm. Has. Cancer. 

We didn’t know what stage it was then, but a week later, after a trip to the oncologist, we found out it was terminal and they only expected he would live six months. 

I’m pleased to tell you that two years later, he is still going strong. Actually right now he is in the bush somewhere hunting with his friends. He’s still on chemo every three weeks, but he’s keeping positive and keeping busy. It’s been a long and scary road with surgeries and procedures, cat scans and bloodwork, but thanks to cancer research, I have my dad for another day. Ian has his papa for another day. 

You know what Ian said to me tonight? I’m going to tell you. Like I said, Norm is away. Tonight Ian spent a lot of time on my parents front porch. I was trying to get him to come inside and Ian told me he was waiting for Papa to come home. He wouldn’t take my word that papa was away and would be back tomorrow. 

As I was putting him in his car seat I asked him if he loves his Papa. He looked at me earnestly as a three year old can and said, “yeah, I love Papa. He’s my best friend.”

Everyday is like being on a roller coaster you can’t get off. I am listening to the clinking of the chain as we ascend the hill to the next set of test results, where we may be able to breathe, scream and laugh for a moment, only to hear the chain clinking as we ascend again. 

I encourage you to visit http://www.terryfox.org and contribute to the research that keeps my dad and my son’s Papa with us for another day. 

Your life can change in a moment. Hug your loved ones tightly. Cancer doesn’t discriminate. Let’s kick cancer’s ass together. 

When saying, “I’m a medium” isn’t scary anymore…

  
I was just out running, which kind of sucked because summer has arrived here and it’s hot. I think that my outdoor running season is just about over. I will take it easy with treadmill runs for a month or two. 

Anyway, as I was walking home I was reflecting on something that happened this week at work. There’s a lady at work who came to my office a couple of weeks ago and asked if I would do a reading for her. First of all I was like, “who told you?!”, then I realized she had probably seen it on Facebook since we are friends there too. 

Fast forward to last week. I had given the lady at work one of my cards and I guess it fell out of her pocket somewhere. One of the poobahs found it. 

He came into my office last week and asked if I read palms “or something” and said he found my card. I just spat out, “no actually.  I’m a medium. I channel spirits and talk to guides.”

*duck and cover*

I expected a barrage of questions about my mental health. None came. He told me he had questions for me, thought it was cool and that he might come see me sometime. Also his sister is a medium. 

I’ve noticed lately I’ve been more open about telling people without too much fear around the admission. I still have fears about other peoples judgement, but I’m working on letting that go. 

I think I’ve made great progress, considering a few months ago nobody really knew about it. Now my reading spots are booking up, I’m becoming more confident and I am getting great reviews from my clients. 

I really feel that this is my calling and what I am here to do. It feels good and I am proud of myself. 

Today was crazy!

Today was a weird day. It was crazy busy at work from the moment I arrived and I hardly had time to eat my lunch! Then I got an email from someone I’m doing a bit of consulting for who told me that he had a job for me this evening, plus it’s a running night. I have two readings booked this week. one tomorrow after my son goes to bed and the other on Thursday after my son goes to bed. 

I’m pretty excited that a lot of stuff is happening all at once but I couldn’t help but worry about how I was going to handle it all. I got home from work, fed and bathed my kid, worked on the consulting stuff, put my kid to bed, ran on the treadmill (I think it was a personal best 5km too!), and I even had time to meditate. 

Meditation works so much better for me after exercise. I think when I run, I put so much focus into it that it shuts up the ego voice in my head and I’m able to really concentrate. I’m sitting on my bed with an enormously wonderful sense of well being. 

I don’t know why I doubted my ability to get everything done, or why I ended up so stressed out today. Maybe it was more overwhelmed than stressed. So many good things are happening at once and I am so filled with gratitude. 

There is so much to be thankful for. I’m thankful for new friends and clients, my family, my work and for the ability to live my life in line with my purpose. A few months ago I was saying to the universe, 

I really want to use my mediumship for helping others. I want to provide empowerment, support and guidance  I just don’t know how to go about it and I’m ok with that. 

Look at me now. Fantastic.  If I needed confirmation that I am on the right path, I’m getting all of the confirmation I ever needed. 

I’m trusting, I’m allowing and I’m in the flow. Life is good. 

You’re about to get a huge nod from the Universe

I don’t know about you, but I have been feeling “off” lately. Yesterday, my son was up late so I missed my meditation. I wonder if that has something to do with it. Everything was just getting to me today. See? I’m not full of zen all the time. I’m human!

After my run this evening, which wasn’t great either (my shorts wouldn’t stay put and my playlist was crummy), I decided to smudge my house just to clear out any “crap” energy that I don’t need anymore. I came upstairs to meditate, and after about an hour, I’m feeling a bit better and more grounded, so that’s good.

Tomorrow I’m really excited to be meeting with a local metaphysical bookstore about possibly doing some readings in their shop. I hope that all goes well. I was telling my guides whilst I was meditating that they had better be there for me tomorrow. Of course the answer was that they are always there. Then there was one very clear message that came through and has stuck with me.

The voice said:

You are about to get a very big nod from the Universe. You’re on the right path and everything is coming into alignment now.

I’m excited about that! I wonder what is coming!

Meditation Moments

I read in a book by Jon Kabat-Zinn that the people who spend time talking about the virtues of meditation would be better off actually meditating. Lol!

I  am going to talk about it anyway. 

Tonight I ran a short 3k tempo run ahead of the big 10k Sun Run this weekend here in Vancouver. The energy was really flowing through my body and I had a shower and then sat down for my meditation. I know that I won’t be able to sleep right away because my body is still pumped full of endorphins. 

I did a quick chakra clearing guided meditation and then walked myself through some self reiki. 

Meditation is awesome. It’s especially awesome when you focus so deeply, you are in a state of total flow and bliss. Right now, I honestly feel like a piece of cooked spaghetti and I’m trying to muster the oomph to get up the stairs to bed. 

I’m completely grounded and centred now. I feel calm to my core. 

If you’re new to meditation, you could start with just a few minutes at a time and work your way up to longer durations. I am up to a 45 minute average now, which is excellent. 

As for the changes it has made in my life: I used to deal with anxiety regularly and I probably would have rated my anxiety at an 8/10 pretty much every day. Now I’m at a 2 or a 3. I’m taking control through meditation and becoming more mindful. 

What are your favourite tricks of the meditation trade?

Walking in Beauty

  
Today’s card of the day is from Denise Linn’s Native Spirit deck. Today’s card is walking in beauty.

This card is about embracing your own beauty. Often in the culture that we live in, only negative body stereotypes are reinforced, especially for women. We are quick to forget that we are beautiful as we are in this moment. We are held to an unattainable standard which traps most of us in feelings of despair and unworthiness.

I actually have a good example of this. Today, a mechanic came into my office and told me that I was looking good. Instead of graciously accepting a complement and saying thank you, I looked at him somewhat quizzically. He asked me if I was doing my make up differently. I said that I did and then thanked him for the compliment. I guess I’m just not used to receiving compliments. 

I mentioned the mechanics comment to someone and she told me she knew I was beautiful all along and that she was surprised that people didn’t tell me more often. I thought that that was really nice. We’re so wrapped up in everything else, that we forget to acknowledge our own beauty as we are in this moment. And, what I thought was especially scary, is that when someone paid me a compliment I was quick to jump on the defensive, rather than to simply thank the person. That tells me that I am affected by these societal pressures to look and act a certain way. 

I’m not made of stone, but I do consider myself fairly self-aware and empowered and I love myself. I’m not waiting to lose 20 pounds to be happy.  I’m not waiting to fit into size 8 jeans.  That does not fulfill me. I fulfill myself by being who I am and impressing myself; not others. 

The more time we take to an acknowledge our own beauty, or to beautify the space around us, maybe with a vase of pretty flowers, the more beauty we draw to ourselves.

I actually had another coworker a few months ago ask me what I was doing differently because she said I was looking better and better every day. I stated that I run 20 km a week and that I’ve been practising meditation often. I guess that is making a difference in my appearance. 

Take some time while you are running around the world doing your daily chores to acknowledge and appreciate the beauty that surrounds us in nature. See the trees as your respiratory system and the rivers as your circulatory system and acknowlwdge the interconnectedness of all things. 

We are all beautiful. 

We are all individual. 

We are all eternal.

 We are all divine.  

We are all powerful.

When it’s hard to accept yourself as a co-creator

 

You might be in a bad place right now. You might feel stuck or depressed or like nothing is going your way.

You might read my blog or my Twitter feed (@talking2spirits) and think, “Okay, Captain Rainbow, put down the drugs and look at reality. If I am the co-creator of my existence, and my life experience, why would I create THIS!?”

(Just sayin’. I’ve never touched a drug in my life, other than those prescribed by a reputable licensed physician).

The good news is, you can become unstuck, and you can do so by starting small. To quote a cliché, Rome wasn’t built in a day. I have been mulling this post over in my head the last couple of days and I was thinking about when I was learning to run. I like to run long distances now, but if you had told me two years ago I would run a half marathon, I would have laughed in your face, loudly, and continued to guffaw all the way home. Me, running a half marathon.. hahaha!

But you know what? I started small. I started with a couch to 5K app that I downloaded off iTunes, and little by little, I built myself up to a 5K, then a 10K, then a 21K! The same can be done with your mindset.

Maybe nothing is going right. Have you looked at the way you are thinking or listened to your inner dialogue? Are your thoughts negative like mine were about running?

If all you have are negative thoughts, start small. Start with one good thought a day if that works, move it up to a goal of two good thoughts a day, or one good thought an hour. As you start to think more good and positive thoughts, more good and positive things will begin to appear in your life.  I guarantee it. You may not turn things around in a matter of hours or days, but you should start to notice a difference.

The thoughts you think are a choice, and hold power. You can choose to be anti something, which will only draw more of the thing you are against, or you can choose to be pro something, which will draw the pro something to you. This is hammered home in The Secret. I was watching it on Netflix the other night, and they were talking about this very concept. If you don’t like a politician for example, don’t be anti politician, be pro his opponent. If you are anti war, try being pro peace. Be pro-you! Give your thoughts and intentions the respect that they deserve and remember that they are what creates your reality through their vibration and the Law of Attraction.

Consider where you feel stuck and what you can change. Stuck in a job you don’t like? Ask the universe for change. Start looking around and you’ll find something. Stuck in a relationship? Why are you in that relationship? Does it bring you anything or serve you in any way? If not, it’s time to move on, and maybe you need to do a little bit of soul work before letting that relationship go.

The easiest place to start is to incorporate some positive thinking into your daily life. Remember, you are awesome, eternal and divine. You deserve the best life has to offer!

Nurture yourself

Today’s card I pulled out of the pack was Nurture Yourself.
  

I spent most of the day chasing my two year old around the neighbourhood. We made particularly good use of a beautiful day, visiting various parks and running each other ragged, so I’m getting to the blog post part of the day fairly late.

I’m mentioning the mom stuff because I’m going to play the mom card in this post. As a mom in general, but speaking specifically as a mom of a toddler, I am always focused on taking care of him and it’s very important for me to take time to nurture myself. You may have aging or ill parents that you have to look after and that also takes a lot out of you.

Make sure that you are taking the time to look after yourself and nurture yourself in ways that make sense for you and make you feel good. For me, that’s things like writing, meditation, reading a good book, running, or just enjoying a few peaceful minutes.

Notice that Mother Mary has her hands places over her heart chakra. Ensure that the things which guy are doing to nurture yourself and your soul are the things that bring the most joy to your heart. 

It’s so important to make sure that you do not forget to take time for yourself, because if you neglect self care, then you will not be working at your full potential when caring for others, whether that be your loved ones or your employers.

Think about the safety speech on an airplane. If the masks come out of the ceiling, make sure you get your own mask on and let the airflow work before you assur others. 😃

How do you nurture yourself?

I’m off to meditate now. I’ll be back tomorrow!

Self Reiki

ive been busy and things have been hectic so I haven’t been blogging much. Last week during one of my post-run meditation sessions, I thought that I should try some self Reiki. I thought that it might help with what I am going through. 

Tonight, I pulled out my Reiki binder, turned on some meditation music, and started walking myself through the five precepts. Once I started doing the hand placements I remembered why Reiki is so great. I’m warm, relaxed and I feel like a noodle. I could feel the Reiki energy running through my hands

I’m going to try and keep this in my meditation routine at least once a week.