Thoughts on being a parent

I don’t often post my parenting thoughts here, but on the eve of my son’s third birthday, I was looking at Kahlil Gibran’s book The Prophet, and reading the passage on children.

“And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
And he said:

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The Archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the Archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so he loves also the bow that is stable.”

The Prophet – Kahlil Gibran P 25-26

 

Three years ago today at this time, I was in a hospital room after 5 days of stop and go labour. I remember dreaming at night that I was floating in the open ocean hanging on to a log. I guess as I would have contractions in my sleep I would envision a large wave and I would hold on to that log for dear life. Finally, I was in active labour and I was going to have a baby. I was telling my son the story of his birth tonight. About where I was at this time three years ago. I told him about the waiting for 12 hours after taking an epidural and waiting for the dilation to occur so I could push, only to find out the following morning that I wasn’t going to dilate more than 8 cms and that he was upside down and I’d have to have a caesarian.

I remember being prepped for surgery, and the doctors talking about their golf games and what they did on the weekend (he was born on a Monday morning). I remember the doctor telling me it would feel like someone was standing on me. The next thing I knew, I heard, “Congratulations, Amanda. You have a little boy.” I remember holding my breath and waiting for him to cry. It felt like such a long time, I thought my heart had stopped. When I heard the wail coming from my newborn son, it unleashed a well of emotions. Gratitude, happiness, fear, overwhelm and unbounded joy. The nurse carried him over to me while I was being stitched up.

My first words to my husband were, “holy shit. We have a kid!”.

I had been calling Ian by name since he was in the womb. I remember yelling to the nurse who asked me if I had chosen a name that his name is IAN! My husband wanted to name him Lou for Roberto Luongo (we are all Canucks – LOL), but that was happening over my dead body. I wanted him to have a good Scottish name. Ian it is.

Today I have an exuberant, loving and funny 2 year old kid. He’s tenacious and stubborn too. But he’s mine for now. Until he spreads his wings and takes off on his own journey. I’m going to enjoy him while I have him  in my arms.

Though he is with me, he does not belong to me. I know that. I will not strive to make him like me. I’m looking forward to seeing who he will become on his own and what the future holds for him. A popular question I get as a medium is whether I look into the lives of my family members.

I generally don’t. I don’t look into Ian’s future, or my husband’s. There are some things in life that are better left as mysteries.

July 22nd at 11:39 am, I will have a three year old. Wow.

The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success – Law #4 – The Law of Least Effort

We’ve all heard of Ghandi and non-violent resistance; accomplishing everything while doing nothing.

That’s really the essence of this chapter and there were some passages that I really liked that I will share for you here. The first one really captured my thoughts on striving. Striving to make more money, to have the best house, to have the perfect car, family, Christmas, you name it!

“If you observe nature at work, you will see that least effort is expended. Grass doesn’t try to grow, it just grows. Fish don’t try to swim, they just swim. Flowers don’t try to bloom, they bloom. Birds don’t try to fly, they fly. This is their intrinsic nature.”

We don’t have to strive to accomplish the things that we want to accomplish. If our intent is pure, we will manifest the things which we desire most into our lives. This moment that you are in right now, sitting here reading my blog is perfect, because by the universal laws, we are exactly where we are meant to be at any given moment. This moment is always perfect and aligned with the intent of the universe.

One thought that has been bouncing around my head since yesterday is when given a choice between hate and love, I will always choose love. Deepak Chopra says:

“When your actions are motivated by love, your energy multiplies and accumulates – and the surplus energy you gather and enjoy can be channeled to create anything that you want, including unlimited wealth.”

Yeah right, you say. I can accumulate wealth by thinking about it? Yes you can. When you believe it, you’ll achieve it.

The steps to applying the Law of Least Effort are acceptance, responsibility and practicing defenselessness.

“I will put the Law of Least Effort into effect by making a commitment to taking the following steps:

1. I will practice Acceptance. Today, I will accept people, situations, circumstances and events as they occur. I will know that this moment is as it should be, because the whole universe is as it should be. I will not struggle against the whole universe by struggling against the moment. My acceptance is total and complete. I accept things as they are this moment, not as I wish they were.
2. Having accepted things as they are, I will take responsibility for my situation and for all those events I see as problems. I know that taking responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for my situation (and that includes myself). I also know that every problem is an opportunity in disguise, and this alertness to opportunities allows me to take this moment and transform it into a greater benefit.
3. Today my awareness will remain established in defenselessness. I will relinquish the need to defend my point of view. I will feel no need to convince or persuade others to accept my point of view. I will remain open to all points of view and not be rigidly attached to any one of them. “

I love the part about taking responsibility for one’s situation. I know a lot of people who use things as a crutch to continue to maintain the same behaviour, or use past actions of others to justify their own current action.

“When you feel frustrated or upset by a person or a situation, remember that you are not reacting to the person or the situation, but to your feelings about the person or the situation. These are your feelings, and your feelings are not someone else’s fault. When you recognize and understand this completely, you are ready to take responsibility for how you feel and to change it.”

I have a two year old. I’ve probably mentioned that a lot!

Anyway as two year olds do, he has tantrums. My husband can’t stand it, and often gives me the silent treatment after our son has a meltdown. Lately, I’ve chosen not to be mad or anxious, rather to just disengage from my husband’s energy, as well as my son’s tantrum. If I choose not to get sucked into my husband’s frustration or my son’s anger, I can change my outlook on the situation.

Another example of this is a job I was in for a long time. My boss, while a nice person out in the personal world, was not a very nice person to work for. I now look at this boss as a valuable teacher.

This is a hard lesson to wrap my head around sometimes because I can be resistant to look for opportunity in problems. The easy way out is to blame someone else.

Think of the power you have to change your life, your energy and your outlook, just by changing your thoughts and emotions around a situation. Remember, you have the power! Don’t give it up!