Thoughts on being a parent

I don’t often post my parenting thoughts here, but on the eve of my son’s third birthday, I was looking at Kahlil Gibran’s book The Prophet, and reading the passage on children.

“And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
And he said:

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The Archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the Archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so he loves also the bow that is stable.”

The Prophet – Kahlil Gibran P 25-26

 

Three years ago today at this time, I was in a hospital room after 5 days of stop and go labour. I remember dreaming at night that I was floating in the open ocean hanging on to a log. I guess as I would have contractions in my sleep I would envision a large wave and I would hold on to that log for dear life. Finally, I was in active labour and I was going to have a baby. I was telling my son the story of his birth tonight. About where I was at this time three years ago. I told him about the waiting for 12 hours after taking an epidural and waiting for the dilation to occur so I could push, only to find out the following morning that I wasn’t going to dilate more than 8 cms and that he was upside down and I’d have to have a caesarian.

I remember being prepped for surgery, and the doctors talking about their golf games and what they did on the weekend (he was born on a Monday morning). I remember the doctor telling me it would feel like someone was standing on me. The next thing I knew, I heard, “Congratulations, Amanda. You have a little boy.” I remember holding my breath and waiting for him to cry. It felt like such a long time, I thought my heart had stopped. When I heard the wail coming from my newborn son, it unleashed a well of emotions. Gratitude, happiness, fear, overwhelm and unbounded joy. The nurse carried him over to me while I was being stitched up.

My first words to my husband were, “holy shit. We have a kid!”.

I had been calling Ian by name since he was in the womb. I remember yelling to the nurse who asked me if I had chosen a name that his name is IAN! My husband wanted to name him Lou for Roberto Luongo (we are all Canucks – LOL), but that was happening over my dead body. I wanted him to have a good Scottish name. Ian it is.

Today I have an exuberant, loving and funny 2 year old kid. He’s tenacious and stubborn too. But he’s mine for now. Until he spreads his wings and takes off on his own journey. I’m going to enjoy him while I have him  in my arms.

Though he is with me, he does not belong to me. I know that. I will not strive to make him like me. I’m looking forward to seeing who he will become on his own and what the future holds for him. A popular question I get as a medium is whether I look into the lives of my family members.

I generally don’t. I don’t look into Ian’s future, or my husband’s. There are some things in life that are better left as mysteries.

July 22nd at 11:39 am, I will have a three year old. Wow.

I have found a truth.

I’ve been MIA for a few days, mostly because the week was quite busy. My husband has been off work this week, so it’s taken away a bit of my writing time, and meditating time. I’ll get back into the groove of writing, meditating and doing readings next week. In the meantime, I thought I’d pop in here because I read another good meditation in Holy Shift and I thought, hey, that might be a good launch for a blog post about grace and fear.

I liked the quote on grace I found by William Hazlitt. A state of grace really is achieved living from a soul level and outwardly projecting your higher self rather than your physical self. Approach others with love and curiosity rather than judgement and blame. When we are at one with our should, we are harmonious and we can roll with he punches. We can accept that everything that happens to us, happens in accordance with the will of the Universe. We are better equipped to see the big picture rather than the miniscule details. In living this way, we can separate ourselves from the fear based world that we inhabit.

Today’s quote from Holy Shift is this:

Grace is acceptance
of the love of God within
a world of seeming
hate and fear.

By grace alone
the hate and fear are gone
for grace presents a state so opposite
to everything the world contains,
that those whose minds are lighted
by the gift of grace can not
believe the world of fear is real.

Workbook p 1. Lesson 169 2:1-2

While it’s not putting on rose coloured glasses and sticking your head in the sand, living in a state of grace is about having faith, and choosing to see the illusion that is the physical world we inhabit. I think that Kahlil Gibran says it well in The Prophet:

Say not, “I have found the truth”, but rather, “I have found a truth.”

Say not, “I have found the path of the soul.” Say rather, “I have met the soul walking upon my path.”

For the soul walks upon all paths.

The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.

The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.

The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran P. 76

The soul is complex and walks upon all paths. We get to determine our own reality and accept our own truth. Whatever it is that you regard as “truth” shapes your life experience. Project the harmony of your soul into the world. You’ll receive abundance, peace and harmony and put all things into perspective.

Walk with me in learning

I wanted to write a post on how to live your truth. As I was waiting for my laptop to boot (I was feeling energetic enough to wait for the laptop instead of blogging with my iPhone or iPad – where I make a lot of mistakes), I was taking a look through The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran and I found the following passage on teaching:

Then said a teacher, Speak to us of Teaching.

And he said:

No man can reveal to you aught but that which already lies half asleep in the dawning of our knowledge.

The teacher who walks in the shadow of the temple, among his followers, gives not of his wisdom, but rather of his faith and lovingness.

If he is indeed wise, he does not bid you enter the house of his wisdom, but rather leads you to the threshold of your own mind.

The astronomer may speak to you of his understanding of space, but he cannot give you his understanding.

The musician may sing to you of the rhythm which is in all space, but he cannot give you the ear which arrests the rhythm, nor the voice that ehoes it.

And he who is versed in the science of numbers can tell of the regions of weight and measure but he cannot conduct you thither.

For the vision of one man lends not its wings to another man.

And even as each one of you stands alone in God’s knowledge, so must each one of you be alone in his knowledge of god and in his understanding of the earth.

I really feel compelled to talk about living by your own definition and not allowing yourself to live according to the expectations of others and I think that’s well illustrated in The Prophet’s description of teaching.

A lot of people will try to tell you what to be and what to do and your job here on earth is to live by your own standards. You can’t live a fully expressed life when you are tied up being worried about what someone else thinks is normal. After all, who really knows the truth about the universe and the wonderful mystery of God?

It is for us to define. It’s one thing for me to tell you what I believe, but my vision may not be the same as yours.

“For the vision of one man lends not its wings to another man”.

We have to live our own truth, and live authentically to eavesdrop on the mind of the creator.

So I won’t preach to you as a teacher, rather, I will walk in the shadows with you and support you with my faith and love, allowing you to attain wisdom at the threshold of your own mind. All I ask of you is to do the same for me.