In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety. – Abraham Maslow
If you plan on being anything less than you are capable of being, you will probably be unhappy all the days of your life – Abraham Maslow
Life.
It’s all about choices.
They tell you that in high school, and elementary school. Make the right choices, about the right classes, get the right marks and go to the right school, get the right job and live the right life. The life that other people determine is best for you.
I’ve always thought of choices in the big, literal sense of the word.
Recently, reading a book about parenting (go figure) by Dr. Wayne Dyer, called What Do You Really Want for Your Children, I came across a ton of good quotes and ideas, not necessarily reflective of how I want to choose to parent my son, but things that resonated with who I am and how I was parented. The book really is great, and I would recommend it. The premise of the book is how to raise no-limit, self-reliant, fully actualized children.
One of Dr. Dyer’s big influences in his life was Abraham Maslow. I find it so interesting that the books that I am being drawn to these days have connections to my past. Like I am supposed to find these books for a reason. The Universe never puts you in the wrong place and when it wants you to get a message, look out! Anyway, I already knew a bit about Abraham Maslow from my Family Management 11/12 class I took, where we discussed his Hierarchy of Needs about what is required to be a fully actualized person, and from my 100 and 200 level Psychology courses I took in college, as well as a Social Work course which I took last year.
Part of the book was about teaching your children how to be happy. I’m totally using my interpretation of things here, so it might be a little messy. This part was really intriguing to me as I am very empathic, and I tend to take on other people’s emotions quite readily without being conscious of it all the time. I’m also quite sensitive and I will spend a long time beating myself up about things which, quite frequently, are the thoughts of other people.
In the world we live in, where we spend more time with the people we work with than our own families, it’s hard sometimes to separate ourselves from the “world” us, to the “home” us. I have a commute where I am surrounded by people, so some days, I find I come home carrying someone else’s emotional baggage.
One of the things I have learned in the last couple of years is to actually ask myself whether the feelings I am carrying are mine. If they aren’t, I let them go.
I’ve kind of taken off on a tangent here!
Anyways, now that I’ve set that up with my big tangent, something Dr. Dyer says in his book about raising kids is to teach them that other’s emotions have no power over you. That you, in essence choose whether to let someone else’s emotions affect you.
WOW!
When I think of all the times I have taken emotions home, or I have had a great day until I bumped into someone who was in a bad mood, or had a negative conversation or interaction with someone that ruined my whole day, or just carried someone’s negativity or sadness home with me, and I could have just said to myself, “Wait a minute, Self! Am I going to let this person’s emotions affect me?” and I could have made the conscious choice to say no!
Choices have been a theme in my reading lately, and quotes about choices keep popping up in my world. I’m going to work harder to be more conscious of my thoughts and make the choice consciously not to let the emotions or feelings of others affect me as much. Even if I’m feeling sad, or angry, or whatever, it’s all under my control.
I’m a compulsive worrier. I worry whether the sky is blue, and the grass is green, whether the sun will rise tomorrow, or whether the world will end while I’m asleep. If I have nothing to worry about, I’ll waste energy thinking of something to worry about, or worry about the fact that I have nothing to worry about!
Since I have started my journey, I have really improved this by leaps and bounds. I’m proud of myself. It’s difficult and a work in progress to actually stop my whirring mind and sit down, take a deep breath and tell myself to stop. Is this thing that I am worrying about mine? Can I control it? Can I change it? No? Then let go!
Sounds a heck of a lot easier than it is. Sometimes I physically have to yell out “STOP!”
I never thought you could actively choose your emotions. I always grew up thinking that you just had them and felt them, and that was pretty much that, but the idea that I can say that I don’t want to be sad/angry/upset/scared etc. is super empowering to me.
You are in charge of your own happiness. You make the choices to be where you are. The life experiences that manifest do so because those are the things you choose to pay attention to. Sensing a theme?
I don’t pretend to be a guru. I don’t know anything more than anyone else in the world, but maybe next time you find yourself stuck in a rut, do what I do. Ask yourself if the cause of the emotion is yours, or whether it is someone else’s, whether you can do anything about it if it is yours, and make the choice that you don’t want to feel that way anymore. Then, commit to your choice and move on proudly with your head held high. You just accomplished something awesome.
If the only challenges we face are those that life has thrown at us, then we are merely living life in reaction only – we are not pushing ourselves and directing our own destiny. Our greatest challenges should be those we give ourselves to reach our full potential. – Brendon Burchard
I am who I am today because of the choices I made yesterday. – Eleanor Roosevelt
I cannot change you, but I can change how I react to you. I choose to take charge of the rest of my life. – unknown
Metaphysical Musings 